Sunday, December 29, 2013

Episode 1.2- Secrets Are Currency

Inside Boddy Manor, a murder has just occurred. 

Soon, accusations will fly and those within the mansion will realize the grave peril that faces them.

Peacock: "I simply cannot believe this! The Butler is dead! One of you is a--"

Lemon-Lime: "MURDERER! And you are next!"

Peacock: "You disgraceful child! Someone is dead, it is cruel to play such a trick on my weak heart. When my soon-to-be-husband gets here, there is going to be hell to pay."
Lemon-Lime: "Yeah, Mr. Boddy isn't coming."
Peacock: "He most certainly is! And then he'll whisk me away and all will be alright."
Lemon-Lime: "Yeah, wouldn't count on it..."

Plumtree: "Well, I think it is obvious who the murderer is. Only one person here was standing right next to the door to the hall where the Butler was murdered the entire time. This person also knew that the door was unlocked when the lights came on, and came in here to "discover" the body. Isn't that right, Dr. Parfait?"

Peach: "No, that isn't right, and I dislike your insinuations."
Violet: "Well, I imagine you would. How did you know the door would be unlocked?"
Peach: "I thought I heard it being unlocked in the dark."
Violet: "I didn't hear that."
Plumtree: "Neither did I."

Lemon-Lime: "You guys are ridiculous! It is obvious that it wasn't Peach Parfait, that is much too obvious. Which is why it might be the delightful Miss Erdried Brown!"
Brown: "Me?!?"
Lemon-Lime: "You. Why would you wear such a gloomy outfit to this mansion unless you knew that there would be a murder?"

Brown: "Are you trying to insult my fashion sense or accuse me of a murder?"
Lemon-Lime: "A little bit of both. But I mean, you clearly aren't on the same level as the rest of us. How did you even get invited to this mansion? And why would you even come?"
Brown: "Because...because Mr. Boddy asked me!"

Violet: "Or what about this Rev. Green? For a holy man, he certainly doesn't seem all that Godly."
Green: "I am a man of the faith!"
Violet: "Faith in what?"
Green: "In luck. I mean in God, in God!"

White: "Well, I for one am suspicious of those of you throwing accusations around willy-nilly. Mr. Boddy is a respectable man, and I can assure you that he won't be inviting any of you to any more of his parties!"
Mustard: "Well, if we get murdered I'd imagine not..."

Gray: "Oh shut up, all of you! I'm not even sure if it could have been one of us! We were all locked into the Lounge, by him! Maybe he didn't want us to get in the way of his suicide attempts."
Lemon-Lime: "Oh fun! He bludgeoned himself to death with a lead pipe!"
Scarlet: "Fun!"
Lemon-Lime: "I know right?"
Green: "Oh my God!"

Rosebush: "You people are pathetic. Shut up, all of you! Has it occurred to any of you that perhaps Mr. Boddy could be the one who murdered The Butler? We were all locked into the Lounge, it makes perfect sense."
Violet: "You have a point! But if we were all invited here by an insane killer, we are all in grave danger!"

Scarlet: "Wait, I have it!"
Everyone: "..."
Scarlet: "Oh sorry, I lost it."
Lemon-Lime: "Come on!"

Violet: "Well, I say you all get over it. The Butler locked us up, so the way I see it, whoever killed him doesn't really matter, since that person did us all a favor. We should all pick up what we have left, enjoy the rest of our stay on this island, and then move on, pretending none of this ever happened."
Rosebush: "I agree. He was just staff. There are worse people who could have died."
White: "Just staff? Excuse me?"
Rosebush: "No offense."
White: "I most certainly take offense!"
Peacock: "That is the trouble with staff these days."


Green: "What? What is it?"

Gray: "Mr. Boddy has a Billiard Room! Awesome! Anyone up for a game?"
Mustard: "Billiards isn't nearly seedy enough for me."
Gray: "Seedy?"
Mustard: "Mustard seedy."

Brown: "Um, Reverend? Where did you get that drink?"

Green: "There is a bar in the, in the Ballroom."
Brown: "You drink?"
Green: "Of course I drink. Don't most people?"
Brown: "I just figured most Reverends had some level of self control."
Green: "Ha, I can control myself."

Mustard: "I think you have more pressing matters at hand, apart from that drink having no mustard in it."
Green: "Hmm?"

Mustard: "Well, someone was just murdered. And you never know what other means to kill people could be laying about."
Green: "Uh, what are you trying to say?"

Mustard: "Well, if whoever this murderer fellow is decided to kill you, and you had a drink, it would be expected that he or she could just, you know..."
Gray: "Hey Revy. Guess what? Your drink might be poisoned."
Green: "You think? You don't suppose... Oh God help me."

Brown: "Um, doctor? You might want to come in here!"

Green: "I...I could...I'm feeling a little faint."

Gray: "I'm sure it is nothing."
Brown: "He could have been poisoned."
Gray: "He probably just feels poisoned because we brought it up."

Green: "Maria!"

Green: "Soon I will come to you. Forgive me all my sins!"

Green: "Goodbye!"

Brown: "HE JUST DIED!"

Gray: "He doesn't look dead. I think he just fainted."

Peach: "Did you call for me?"
Brown: "Yes, we did. There is an emergency."

Mustard: "The Reverend just drank some juice and passed out!"

Peach: "Hmm..."
Gray: "He's not dead. He's not dead, right?"
Brown: "I think he's dead."

Peach: "No he's not dead! He'll be alright, probably just passed out from the shock. But I'll need to examine him alone."
Mustard: "Oh really?"

Brown: "Oh, so he isn't dead? But I'm not so sure you examining him alone is such a good idea if he really isn't dead. What is to stop you from murdering him? Or him from murdering you, should he wake up?"

Peach: "If either of us wind up dead, you will have caught the murderer! So leave the Billiard Room, I'll latch the door, and we will both come out alive, I assure you."
Mustard: "You are willing to risk him being the murderer?"

Peach: "If he would the murderer, he would have known that he hadn't been poisoned, and would therefore have no reason to pass out. But I'm willing to take the risk."
Gray: "Your life, not mine. Whatever."
Brown: "Fine. We'll leave."

Mustard: "Urggh. Maybe I don't want to leave."
Gray: "I don't want to either. I'd much rather keep playing."
Brown: "You know what? He's a doctor. Do as he says. The Reverend could be dying, and we stand here arguing."

Gray: "I say we leave."
Mustard: "Me too."
Brown: "What? Fine. Whatever."
Gray: "Whatever."

Peach: "Ah, finally alone. Maybe I won't murder you, but there are certainly some interesting things I'd like to try. I wonder if I could cut off a lump of your fat for my jars without killing you?"

Green: "Yeah, not so fast Peach Parfait. I'm coming around. It was just the shock of the thought of being poisoned that got to me I guess."

Peach: "Urrgh, you had to wake! Gosh, whatever."

Green: "You are disgusting. How many people have you killed in your experiments?"
Peach: "None on purpose! I would never!"
Green: "Doctor?"

Peach: "Reverend?"
Green: "Yes?"
Peach: "Medical malpractice does not exist. It is the patient's responsibility to choose the correct doctor."

Green: "And that would be?"
Peach: "Anyone but me."
Green: "Ha! And I had quite a choice in who doctored me there. I was completely unconscious."

Peach: "And I wish you'd have stayed that way."
Green: "I'm glad I woke up. I know more about you now, Peach."
Peach: "I suppose."

Green: "You could have killed The Butler. You had every opportunity. But you didn't, did you?"
Peach: "No."
Green: "Neither did I."
Peach: "I really wish it were that simple. Asking."
Green: "So do I, Peach Parfait. So do I..."

White: "Miserable weather we are having."
Lemon-Lime: "Uh-huh."

White: "I hate the rain. I hate the hail. I hate everything that can fall from the sky and ruin your day."

Lemon-Lime: "Like, say, an anvil?"
White: "I'd imagine so."
Lemon-Lime: "In this house, yes."

White: "What about this house?"
Lemon-Lime: "Oh, you know. Creepy (now deceased) butler, creepy maid, creepy--"
White: "I'm the maid!"
Lemon-Lime: "Oh. Sorry."

White: "Well I need to get out of this weather. And away from you."
Lemon-Lime: "Excuse me? I am the guest. You are the maid. Go make me some supper."

White: "What did you just ask?
Lemon-Lime: "Make me supper!"

White: "No! I refuse! You can just starve."
Lemon-Lime: "Fine. I'll eat the hail!"

Violet: "May I sit with you?"
Lemon-Lime: "Um..."

Violet: "May I?"
Lemon-Lime: "No. You may not."

Violet: "Um, okay. May I be on the terrace?"
Lemon-Lime: "No! I don't like you! You have strange hair!"
Violet: "I don't really care. I like you."

Lemon-Lime: "You are like a giant lump of toxic waste. You are a blister squirting pus onto my face. You are a huge sack of vitals organs and fatty tissue, with a pimple for a cork. You are--"
Violet: "You are certainly sweet. What on earth did I do?"

Lemon-Lime: "Maybe murdering two people was a bad idea, huh?"
Violet: "Two people? There has only been one death?
Lemon-Lime: "Oh right. Three people then!"

Violet: "What?!?"
Lemon-Lime: "I recognize you, Viola. I know what you did. And I know that you killed The Butler like you killed your mom and dad!"

Violet: "I DIDN'T KILL THEM! IT WAS A FREAK ACCIDENT! I...who are you? Is your name really Laurel Lemon-Lime?"
Lemon-Lime: "Yes. Doesn't that ring a bell?"
Violet: ""
Lemon-Lime: "You are stupider than I remember."

Scarlet: "Um, Mr. Simon? Can I talk to you?"

Rosebush: "Why?"
Scarlet: "Why not?"
Rosebush: "No."
Scarlet: "Why not?"
Rosebush: "I, my slow little darling, am reading. I understand that someone like you of substandard intellect might not be able to comprehend the idea of expanding your knowledge base, but I, on the other hand, dislike the idea of wasting my mind and letting rot like a piece of putrid meat."

Scarlet: "Okay then. Well, then I'll just go away then."
Rosebush: "Good. Please do."
Scarlet: "Okay."

Scarlet: "Who wrote that?"
Rosebush: "Someone named Roger Wilimington. Why do you care? Go away."
Scarlet: "Fine."

Scarlet: "I guess you care about the information that I have for you."

Rosebush: "Now you are talking. What do you have for me?"
Scarlet: "I don't know. What do you have for me?"

Rosebush: "You are smarter than anyone gives you credit for."
Scarlet: "Really?"
Rosebush: "No, but at least you are trying to bargain with me. So cute. What do you know, girl?"

Scarlet: "There is something you know about me, Simon. Something I don't want any of these people to know."
Rosebush: "I see. Not sure I know what this is about."
Scarlet:  "Don't tell them! You will realize what it is and want to tell them, but you cannot or you will have to be destroyed and punished for your wrongs."
Rosebush: "And what do I get for this?"

Scarlet: "Secrets. Everyone here has one, Simon. Secrets are everywhere here. They are like currency. And I don't pretend to be a genesis..."
Rosebush: "Genius?"
Scarlet: "Whatever. But I'm smart enough to know to keep mine hidden at all costs if I want to stay alive. Once the enemy sees your hand, Simon, you can die."

Rosebush: "How do you know all of this?"

Scarlet: "There are secrets in the Lounge, Simon Rosebush. I like you, so I'm sorry, but you are going to have to die."
Rosebush: "What?"

Scarlet: "Maybe not. Maybe we can both live. But I think only one person is getting out of this, and it is going to be me."
Rosebush: "Secrets in the Lounge?"
Scarlet: "Yes! Look in the Lounge and maybe you can stay alive. And keep your eyes open!"
Scarlet: "What were we talking about?"
Rosebush: "The Lounge."
Scarlet: "What about the Lounge?"
Rosebush: "I, I don't know."

Scarlet: "What is that? A feticus?"
Rosebush: "Fetus, I think."

Scarlet: "Why does Mr. Boddy have one of them?"
Rosebush: "Clearly Mr. Boddy has unusual interests."

Scarlet: "Clearly. What was I saying about the Lounge? I forget."
Rosebush: "I don't think you want to know. It'll upset you."

Scarlet: "Since when do you care about my feelings?"

Rosebush: "Since when do you come to me with information?"
Scarlet: "What information?"
Rosebush: "Nevermind."

Plumtree: "Are you going to make us dinner, Mrs. White?"
White: "I'd rather not."
Plumtree: "That is your job."

White: "But these people don't respect me. And Mr. Freaking Boddy hasn't even shown up yet, so what motivation could I possibly have to wait on you."
Plumtree: "Maybe an obligation to do what you are being paid for?"
White: "Haha, you are hilarious."

Plumtree: "But what makes you think Mr. Boddy isn't here?"
White: "Do you see him?"
Plumtree: "Do you see the hail?"

White: "I'm not facing the window, so no. Nor do I care to."

Plumtree: "But it is still there! And if you step outside, it might slap you nicely upside of the head."
White: "That is completely different."

Plumtree: "I'd keep your eyes peeled for Mr. Boddy if I were you, Mrs. White."
White: "I really don't care."
Plumtree: "Suit yourself."

Peacock: "Mrs. White, I demand that you serve me dinner!"

Plumtree: "She isn't going to, Mrs. Peacock."
Peacock: "I am her boss's fiancee!"
Plumtree: "I'm inclined to think that she doesn't care."

Peacock: "That is ridiculous! When I tell--wait, where do these doors go?"
White: "How should I know?"
Plumtree: "Try them."

Peacock: "Hmm. They are both locked. Mrs. White, you don't know where they go?"
White: "The Butler was supposed to explain it, I'd imagine."

Plumtree: "Oh well. Mrs. Peacock, I saw some salad in the fridge that I'm sure you'll enjoy."

White: "Yeah, get your own salad."
Peacock: "I cannot believe I've been reduced to this."
White: "You'd better believe it."

Peacock: "No. I refuse. You are the maid, you get me the food. That is your job and you are going to do it."

White: "I am more than just maid! I am a person too! And you are a bunch of idiots!"

Peacock: "Idiots about to marry your boss! Last time we hire you, I can assure you!"

White: "Well, that's fine, because guess what? I WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO MARRY MR. BODDY! NOT YOU!"

Peacock: "What?"
White: "I had planned it perfectly. Mr. Boddy would show up. I would romance him. I would work so hard for two weeks and then fall in love and never have to work another day in my life!"
Peacock: "Oh, you aren't going to have to work another day!"

White: "And then he has a fiancee and he can't even be bothered to show up at his own party, and I am nothing. Mr. Boddy will pay for this! You'll all pay for this!"

Plumtree: "You are just the servant, my dear. Get over yourself! It was never going to happen."

White: "Love knows no boundaries! I love him!"
Plumtree: "You love the idea of him."
White: "Shut up!"

Peacock: "Don't be ridiculous. You haven't even met him. You can't be in love with him."

Plumtree: "Aren't you supposedly in love with him?"
Peacock: "I don't love Mr. Boddy. I love his wallet."
Plumtree: "At least you are upfront about it."

White: "I really love him though! I kiss my pillow every night and imagine him. I know what he looks like! He is so handsome! And I will treasure him, I will reward him for loving me. And Mrs. Peacock doesn't love him, she's just going to murder him!"
Plumtree: "Or she's already murdered him."

White: "The Butler was not Mr. Boddy, you incompetent fool! Mr. Boddy hasn't even gotten here yet!"
Plumtree: "But how do you know that?"

White: "That was not Mr. Boddy. That was an old, useless man. I will know Mr. Boddy when I see him. He will be like I always imagined!"

Peacock: "This salad tastes like fridge."

White: "Everyone in this host is an idiot! They don't care about Mr. Boddy like I do, they are here because they were born into privilege."
Plumtree: "So?"
White: " I had to work to be here! I had to fight, every day for an invitation."

Plumtree: "How exactly did you do that?"
White: "I just did! I don't know, I just did! I did it every day to get what I wanted!"

Peacock: "Probably worked harder than you do at this job to get hired."

White: "You know what? Spit out the salad. You are leaving. You are all leaving! This is my kitchen now! Get out! Get out, all of you!"

Peacock: "My pleasure! Come along, Plumtree."
Plumtree: "We are going. We are going."

*locks door*
White: "Good riddance! See how you enjoy Boddy Manor with NO FOOD!"

Peacock: "Wait, what just happened?"

Plumtree: "She's mad. She's completely insane and now we have no food for the next two weeks."

Peacock: "Oh heavens! I didn't even finish my salad!"

Plumtree: "Everyone! Get out here!"
Peacock: "Mrs. White is mad with power!"

Gray: "What is this?"
Plumtree: "Mrs. White just locked us out of the kitchen."

Mustard: "All of the mustard is in the kitchen!"
Peacock: "All of the food is in the kitchen!"

Plumtree: "But we are going to get in there. There are two doors that Mrs. White hadn't known about. If we can only figure out how to get through them--"
*lights flicker out*
Brown: "Here we go again..."

Rosebush: "What is going on?"

White: "Why did the lights go out?"

White: "Must have just been a power outage."

White: "Who is that? How did you get in there?"

White: "Oh, it is just you. How did you get in here?"

*???? hits White over the head with a piece of hail.*

White: "Acch! No! I can't believe it! It is you! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

White: "Ugggh...."

Violet: "You all heard that scream too right?"
Green: "I did. What was that?"

*lights flicker on*

Peacock: "We just listened to Mrs. White being murdered. She revealed her secret to us, she brought this on herself."
Lemon-Lime: "Secret?"
Scarlet: "Secrets are currency. Mrs. White is dead."

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