Monday, April 7, 2014

Episode 1.4- Organization and Organs

Violet: "Alright, so good news. There has been another murder."
Green: "That's hardly good news."
Peach: "I believe she meant bad news."

Brown: "Well, she wasn't exactly a nice woman..."
Violet: "Exactly!"
Brown: "But we need to get organized. We need to work out exactly what is going on. This murderer has had an easy time so far and we can't just keep scattered about or they will pick us off one by one.

Rosebush: "But I don't understand! Only the staff were to die! Not any of us!"
Mustard: "Someone was to die?"
Rosebush: "No no one was to die! But especially not Mr. Boddy's wife! Why would he kill her?"

Plumtree: "Maybe he wasn't in love with her so much after all."
Gray: "Well of course he wasn't! Is that worth murdering her?"

Scarlet: "Maybe she like, was too ugly for him? Or too female?"
Lemon-Lime: "Yeah!"

Violet: "That is a good point! What's to say Mr. Boddy is even a man?"
Peach: "Well, I think the mister implied that."
Violet: "Do you think Boddy is the murderer? Do you think he is one of us?"

Mustard: "Well, I think that if Mr. Boddy is the murder, I hope he enjoys the lack of mustard in hell."
Green: "What if he hates mustard?"
Mustard: "Then he must die!"
Brown: "Woah there!"

Plumtree: "Well, I think the first step to getting organized is to move all of the corpses to a central location. We can't have the stinking up the place while they decay."
Peach: "Well, we won't exactly be here for that long, will we? I do see your point though."

Lemon-Lime: "I am not feeling up a bunch of dead bodies. Nope. Not going to happen."

Green: "I won't either. They deserve to rest in peace, not rest in...being dragged around a mansion by near strangers."
Violet: "Well, I wouldn't say they deserve to be dead at all."

Peach: "Well, I don't care. We are going to move them somewhere. Where is there a lot of space?"

Brown: "The Lounge? Here, Mustard and Rosebush, come along. We will move The Butler's corpse into the Lounge."

Gray: "And I will handle Mrs. Peacock with whoever wants to join me."
Scarlet: "I'll be with you."
Lemon-Lime: "Maybe you'll do all of the work."

Peach: "Why don't you gentlemen help me with White's remains then?"
Plumtree: "Yeah, okay."
Peach: "Isn't this fun? A great teamwork exercise."
Green: "An absolute blast."

Gray: "And so that leaves the four of us. Mrs. Peacock should be easy enough to move."

Lemon-Lime: "You know, I think the staff should be taking care of these plants. They are dying! Look!"
Violet: "Well, I don't know if you noticed, but all of the staff are dead! It makes sense that the plants are wilting!"
Lemon-Lime: "I hadn't noticed."

Scarlet: "You know, I feel like I made her die."
Gray: "Because you are the murderer?"
Scarlet: "No, because I revealed her secret to some of you. Once your secret is out you die. You all know that right?"

Violet: "So what was the old bat's secret? She wasn't your mother, was she?"
Scarlet: "Oh no. She employed my mother, her maid. She was always so straight-laced, always so full of herself. And when my mother got pregnant out of wedlock, she threw her out. My mother gave birth to me on the streets and took me to the house of her sister before committing suicide."
Violet: "Well, if you told people that, why aren't you dead? How is that her secret?"

Gray: "Ms. Violet, you are very perceptive, aren't you? You are also innocent. I see it in your face. You are not the murderer. You think too much to be the murderer. Or at least you think about the wrong sort of things to be the murderer."

Lemon-Lime: "Well, if you ask me, everyone who has died so far deserved what they got! Your mother here..."
Scarlet: "Not my mother."
Lemon-Lime: "No, your real mother. She deserved it. She should have used a condom!"

Scarlet: "Excuse me?!? What are you trying to imply, Laurel?"

Viola: "You really are innocent, aren't you? I don't trust any of them, but you are completely different."
Gray: "I am. You can trust me. You can completely trust me."

Lemon-Lime: "You ruined your mother's life! I hope you can deal with bearing the souls of her and this woman behind me. They would have been better off if you had never been born!"

Scarlet: "Why are you so nasty and just mean? Why can't you be nice? Like a normal person? I'm nice to everyone. Like, I can't even think of a time I said anything mean to you."
Lemon-Lime: "Oh I know, but you have that obnoxious voice."

Gray: "You know, those two are really having at it. Aren't they?"
Violet: "They are. Do you hear what they are saying?"
Gray: "No. All I hear is you."

Scarlet: "Well, you are a vile, vile girl! I can't believe I thought we were friends! If you aren't the killer, I hope you die next!"
Lemon-Lime: "Well, that's hardly nice!"
Scarlet: "Who said anything about being nice?"

Lemon-Lime: "You did. Just a second ago you said that you had never said anything mean to me and here you go being yourself again and saying mean things to me!"
Scarlet: "After you attacked me!"
Lemon-Lime: "So?"

Gray: "Well, I suppose we should stop standing around and get to our task of moving this old shell of a woman."
Violet: "Or we could keep standing around and not do that."

Gray: "Well, I really must."
Violet: "Do you mind if I don't help you? I don't like to touch dead people unless I killed them."

Gray: "Well, you don't go around killing people often I suppose?"
Violet: "No, not at all. Very infrequently."

Gray: "Thanks for the help guys!"
Lemon-Lime: "No problem!"

Violet: "Bye Mr. Gray! Thanks for being so manly and helping with the body."
Gray: "Aww, no problem. And call me Eric."

Violet: "Okay you nitwits, so here's the deal. I think he is the murderer."

Scarlet: "But weren't you just saying that you thought he wasn't the murderer?"
Violet: "I was acting you fool."

Lemon-Lime: "Well, I don't think it is him. I think it is you."
Violet: "Well, that is incorrect."
Lemon-Lime: "Of course you'd say that!"

Violet: "You bumbling idiots! Don't you see how easily he touched that body? How he tried to hit on me? He's probably trying to get me alone with him so that he can kill me!"

Lemon-Lime: "The lights always seem to go out during murders. Why would he need to be alone?"
Violet: "Shut up! Let him kill you then!"

Scarlet: "But what if we'd rather not be killed?"
Violet: "Good for you! Then do something about it!"

Mustard: "So there have been three murders and not one of them involved mustard. For shame..."

Brown: "Well, we had quite a fun time moving The Butler. He had certain notes in his pockets. He was in on the deal."
Plumtree: "What?!?"

Gray: "Peacock was too. She had a slip of paper in her hand telling her to go to the conservatory when the lights went out to be rewarded!"
Scarlet: "That evil little witch!"

Lemon-Lime: "Haha, that is funny. If the first two to die were accomplices, who wants to bet that there is another accomplice among us?"
Plumtree: "No, I refuse to believe it."

Rosebush: "Well, if she was just an accomplice that changes things. I was right. This murderer was just disposing of the staff. I would have expected more from a stately woman like Mrs. Peacock, but whatever. We can all now rest at ease."
Brown: "No we cannot! I don't care who died. Sit down, all of you. We will work this out."

Green: "Alright, so what do we know."
Plumtree: "Well for starters..."

Mustard: "Can one of you move? There aren't enough chairs."

Peach: "Then stand, you walking heart attack. Work off some of that mustard."
Mustard: "Um, no?"

Brown: "Okay, so the first thing I think we need to establish is how you all got into the kitchen. Since Plumtree and I are the only two who didn't make it in there.

Green: "We just used the door. We realized there were two doors, one connecting the kitchen and dining room and another connecting the kitchen and the hall. The one connecting the kitchen and the dining room was unlocked."

Mustard: "Wasn't it locked earlier?"
Lemon-Lime: "I'd assume someone unlocked it."
Mustard: "Why?"

Plumtree: "I think the whole kitchen thing was just to distract us. Secret passages were clearly used to kill White, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were more in the house, but now that we know about them we can steer clear of the Kitchen and the Study if we want to be alone."

Scarlet: "Okay, so how do you think Peacock got that note in her hand?"

Rosebush: "She has headed towards the door right when she died. She could have taken it from the murderer in the dark."
Brown: "Well that would rule out Plumtree and myself as potential killers as we weren't in the room at all."
Plumtree: "That isn't fair Erdried. She might have gotten that note earlier. How would she have read it if it was dark anyway?"

Mustard: "Well, the two of you were certainly the closest to the Conservatory when the lights went out. Either one of you could have easily snuck out. I was still in the passage with Violet. It would have been hard for me to stealthily sneak by you."

Gray: "But you could've just taken the passage back into the Study. And any of us could have easily made it in the dark to the unlocked door connecting the Kitchen and the Dining Room, especially if we had been told that it was unlocked earlier."

Violet: "What I don't understand is why the murderer is going through all of this bother. Why not turn off the lights right now and kill us all? Why have such complicated plans? Is it just trying to confuse us?"

Lemon-Lime: "Well, maybe the murderer doesn't want to kill some of us. Maybe it is done. Or maybe this is a game, and it is like cat and mouse. Stalk, stalk, pounce, stalk, stalk, pounce. Great fun. The murderer likes playing with its food."
Mustard: "And where does Mr. Boddy fit into all of this? Is he the murderer? Was he The Butler? Is he one of you?"

Rosebush: "I don't know and I don't care. I think we are all safe now. There is no way the murderer would want to murder any of us. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go to my chamber. Alone. Ready to be murdered. Ha!"

Green: "No, you mustn't do that! We should stay in groups of three at all times!"

Rosebush: "Oh yeah? Who is going to stop me? I'm risking my own life here."

Green: "Well, I couldn't in good faith let you. You haven't been redeemed yet. You can't go to purgatory or worse."

Rosebush: "I don't care, you fat old man! I can go to hell! You can all go to hell! If there is a hell, I reckon we are all headed there! We've all done loads of wrong things!"
Green: "Well I never!"

Rosebush: "And Reverend, you may act all pious, but deep down you are just as filthy and disgusting as the rest of us. And I know that because you wouldn't be here if you were good! You wouldn't! Only bad people can come to Boddy Manor!"

Green: "But I've done nothing."
Rosebush: "Well maybe damning people to hell is bad enough. Anyway, this is all a sick joke. No one else is going to die. I'm not sure what I was saying."

Peach: "Why don't the two of you come with me? I think we can talk things over."

Green: "I don't want to talk with this hell-bound soul, doctor."
Peach: "Come. We can play some billiards."
Green: "Fine."

Green: "You don't really want to play billiards, do you Dr. Parfait?"
Peach: "No I don't want to play billiards."

Rosebush: "Then why the hell did you make us come out here?"

Green: "He wants to talk. He admitted it. I just feel sorry that there is nothing I can do to save you Rosebush."

Peach: "Well, why don't we all go to the Billiard Room. That way we didn't tell a complete lie?"

Peach: "So, I trust the two of you. I think we should team up."

Rosebush: "But I don't trust you!"
Peach: "Why ever not?"

Green: "You kind of seem like a creepy doctor. Why are you doing this?"

Peach: "I am surprised at the two of you! Surely you see reason! I'd expect the others to suspect me but not you!"
Rosebush: "But you are so clearly a terrible person."

Peach: "If I were the murderer, what makes you think I'd be so obvious about it?"

Green: "Well, if you aren't, who is?"

Peach: "Who do you think?"
Green: "That is what I was asking you!"

Rosebush: "That is what we were asking you!"

Green: "Oh my God! You are both going to murder me aren't you? Aren't you?"

Peach: "If we murdered you, then everyone would know we were bad."
Rosebush: "If anything, if you leave me alone Peach will murder me!"

Peach: "Yeah, if you are innocent, good luck with that! He is obviously a raving killer! Hell! Hell! Both of you are headed for hell!"

Rosebush: "Touché, Reverend. Touché."
Peach: "Indeed."

Rosebush: "Well, if you are going to kill me you might as well get it over with."

Peach: "I'm not going to kill you."
Rosebush: "I know."

Peach: "I know you know."
Rosebush: "I'm serious. No cat and mouse."

Peach: "If I were going to kill you, I'd pull this gun out of my pocket and just do it."
Rosebush: "Ah.. So you are armed?"
Peach: "I'm always armed. I have some people who do want to kill me. One of them is in this house."

Rosebush: "If I were going to kill you, I'd hit you over the head with this billiards stick."
Peach: "I'd shoot you before that happened."
Rosebush: "Yes, thanks for warning me."

Peach: "That Reverend is an idiot. We are clearly the two most innocent people here."
Rosebush: "Clearly."

Green: "Help! The doctor and Mr. Rosebush are trying to murder me!"

Plumtree: "I'm sure you are misinterpreting their actions."

Green: "No they are! They were getting closer, I could feel them!"
Mustard: "You shouldn't have come. Now they are liable to murder each other."

Green: "Stay in groups of three, bah! They were trying to murder me!"

Scarlet: "Aren't you, um, breaking your own rules?"
Lemon-Lime: "His rules don't make a difference anyway. If the murderer wants you, the lights will go out and you will die no matter where you are."

Violet: "And none of the rooms have locks. How convenient. None of us are safe, we can go about our business."

Brown: "But how are the lights just going off? We haven't established that."
Gray: "Magic?"

Lemon-Lime: "Leprechauns maybe?"

Brown: "Well regardless, I left something important in my room and I intend to go get it."
Mustard: "What is it?"
Brown: "It is none of your concern!"

Plumtree: "I'll go with you, Erdried. We can't have you wandering alone."

Brown: "Fine! But no one else go! I do not want to deal with more chaos! You all must stay in here!"

Gray: "Okay, so who is going to make sure they don't kill each other?"

Mustard: "I will! Though the specifically didn't want anyone to go!"

Green: "Don't die Mustard! There are murderers about!"
Mustard: "That isn't funny. People are dying!"

Plumtree: "So what are you getting, Erdried?"
Brown: "I can't tell you."
Plumtree: "Why not?"

Brown: "I just can't."
Plumtree: "Is it important?"
Brown: "For someone so smart, you sure can be daft at times."

Plumtree: "What? I don't understand?"

Brown: "We all have secrets. I have one. And if I tell you why I had to come here, you'd know what it is."
Plumtree: "That certainly narrows the options down."

Brown: "I'm sorry, Plumtree. I'm really truly sorry. I'm a horrible person."
Plumtree: "Don't say that! No you aren't!"
Brown: "I am getting judged. This is to punish me!"

Plumtree: "You know, Erdried, you are certainly looking cute today."

Brown: "Shut up! Get away from me! I'm a danger to you!"

Plumtree: "But don't you see the two of us together? We are perfect together, Miss Brown!"

Brown: "I should never have come here and you let me come here and now you don't even care about me! You are so selfish! You are just like all of them!"

Mustard: "Sorry, is this a bad time?"
Brown: "I said for no one to follow us."

Mustard: "Well, they told me to."
Plumtree: "You shouldn't have come."
Mustard: "Why?"

Plumtree: "Because Erdried and I are having an important conversation. Privately."
Brown: "It wasn't that important."
Plumtree: "Yes it was!"

Brown: "Look, Mustard, I never thought I'd turn to you. For anything. Look at you. You are a freak. But I need to tell you something. A secret. It isn't my secret, it is a secret that I happen to have. I don't think it will get me killed."

Mustard: "Should we go somewhere more, ahem, private?"
Brown: "I've already told him."
Plumtree: "Oh I know what this is."

Brown: "Mustard, I wasn't invited here. I just came. I came because Mr. Plumtree wanted me to and I lied and I'm sorry. But I don't belong here."
Mustard: "Really?!?"

Brown: "Yes! But I was led into a death trap! And now people are dying and I could be next and it is horrible. I should never have come. I'm not even named Erdried Brown."
Mustard: "What is your name then?"
Brown: "I am Erdried Parker. I...I have my secrets, and a part of me feels like I don't belong here, but a part of me is scared that I do. That I am just as bad as the rest of you."

Plumtree: "Yes, Erdried and I are good friends. I was afraid of spending the weeks alone so I brought her. I don't fit in with these people. I can't imagine you do either, Mustard. You must be judged pretty harshly."

Mustard: "Hmm, well I am. Or it depends, I suppose. Sometimes I'm not judged harshly enough."
Plumtree: "What do you mean?"
Mustard: "My mustard factory."
Plumtree: "What about it?"

Mustard: "They fall in. They scream. Ah! Ah! They feel pain. They die. Blood in the mustard. Blood and guts and organs in the mustard. Keep on bottling. No one notices. But someone does."

Brown: "What are you saying?"

Mustard: "Bottle upon bottle upon bottle of mustard. Yum. Good mustard. I fill it up. No one misses them. No one noticed. But someone did. No more money. More mustard."

Plumtree: "I think he's saying..."

Mustard: "Brains! Organs! People die! Mustard! Mustard! Mustard! But no one blames me. No one blames the mustard or the Mustard. So I come here. So I come here and I tell you. Goodbye now. I must die. I want death because you are right and I will never fit in!"

Plumtree: "Just. Go."
Brown: "I'm sorry. You said too much."

Mustard: "Mustard goes. Mustard finds passage. Mustard goes insane. Ha! Brains! I should have thought!"

Mustard: "But there's the problem! With the brains in the Mustard, no one cares. No one listens."

Mustard: "Murderer! Come out, come out! I want you to murder me now! I'm waiting!"

Mustard: "The door to the kitchen is locked now. No more last meal. No more mustard."

Violet: "Oh dear..."

Everyone: "Ah!"

Mustard: "Ah! So my destiny has come for me!"

*Mustard is shot with a revolver*

Mustard: "Ah! Good shot!"

Mustard: "I have come to you mustard, my love. I have come."